What A Night....

Went out to eat for the 4th time tonight! Mexican. Yaaay! Not my fav.... But anyway. Just wanted to post before I went to bed cause i'm really trying to keep up with the blogging like some friends have asked of me.

After dinner, something hit me. Mom wanted to drive around the neighborhood and look at some houses in the area. We were looking for some FSBO houses that could possibly be foreclosures or something along those lines. I think she is worried. After high school when I decided to move out she acted as if she didn't care. I moved out cause I didn't like my home life. I never really have. It's like a bad relationship. I give 110% and everyone else gives none, or almost nothing. I love my parents alot, but they are not the easiest people to live with. I remember when I told them I wanted to move out (years ago) I was met with doubt. They didn't believe 1. that I would move and 2. that I could support myself. Granted, at the time I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but when you're 20 years old and you make 30k a year, you think you are the shit. And before they knew it, I was packed up and gone. The day I moved mom cried and was really worried from then on. I survived, only to find out years later that I no longer wanted to 1. live with my current boyfriend, and 2. I had to get back to school cause retail was not my career of choice, it was a job for the moment. I packed up after a few years and came back home. School has tied my down so much that I have yet to be financially stable since I have moved back, stripping me of any superiority in my household. But tonight, we turned into a cove to look for houses for me. I guess I am no longer a child in their eyes. It feels good...... yet knowing them, things can change in the blink of an eye.

Anyways. I believe things are getting to the point where I am getting older and college graduation is approaching in the future. Mom knows that i'm not going to live with her forever, and that I am capable of doing my own thing, and making things happen. I have done it before, and can do it again. I know she wants me to stay close and this is her way of making it happen. I never really thought I would live here. I wanted to get out of this place for as long as I can remember. Why do things have to be such a pain in the ass. Why these choices?

Here I go again.... Oh well, i'll worry about it another day.